Blog Archives

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 266 (or Wedding “Clashers”)


While serving as a groomsman at the wedding of a long-time friend, casual conversation with your fellow groomsman evolved into an elaborate, comedic brainstorming session of hypothetical wedding plans for your future possible nuptials.  Ideas put forth included the following elements: a luche libre mask, a Klingon bat’leth, a bouncy castle, chimpanzees, a multilingual officiant who speaks High Valyrian, and Danzig songs.

To the chagrin of your significant other, part of you finds the Klingon bat’leth idea intriguing and the Danzig music an interesting choice for the reception.

 

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 265 (or Temporal agents and the displacement fields they rode in on…)


While discussing your thoughts on the Spierig brothers’ time travel film Predestination, starring Ethan Hawke, you talked about how it was not quite the “temporal policeman catching criminals” film the trailer made it out to be, due to headache-inducing plot twists you predicted 45 minutes prior to their revelation in the film.

You also repeatedly expressed a determination toward finding and reading the Robert Heinlein story “All You Zombies” upon which the film is based, in order to verify the origin of the aforementioned twists.

To which your significant other replied, “So essentially, you were hoping for a feature length version of Time Trax?”

“Would that have been too much to ask?” you responded, adding, “It’s not like I was expecting a Timecop remake. At least Time Trax had some panache… and an artificial intelligence computer assistant disguised as a credit card.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 264 (or Christmas gifts and time travel)


Your favorite gift received during the holiday season involved DVDs of Time Trax, a 1990s television series about a time traveling lawman, which you hadn’t seen in twenty years.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 250 (or birthdays and blinking palms…)


As your thirtieth birthday approaches, you find yourself feeling grateful that you don’t live in the society depicted in the 1976 science fiction film Logan’s Run, in which all people living in a hermetically-sealed dome structure in the future, must all undergo “renewal” through a process called Carousel when reaching thirty years old.  A person’s age is visible via a crystal in the palm of the hand, which blinks red at the age of renewal.

Those who try to avoid renewal are called “Runners,” who are hunted down by a special police force, each member of which is called a “Sandman.”

Behold the sobering spectacle of Carousel…

Followed by the Sandmen in action.

In an alternate universe: Event 19 (or “Less carbonite required”)


In an alternate universe, the actor Peter Dinklage (best known as “The Half Man,” Tyrion Lannister on HBO’s Game of Thrones) was born decades earlier, allowing him to beat out Harrison Ford for the role of Han Solo in Star Wars: Episode IV.

Not only does Dinklage successfully pull off the role due to genuine “leading man” qualities, but his physical stature lends itself to combat-related scenes in which he rides Chewbacca piggyback style, while shooting his blaster.  This also occurs in Empire Strikes Back in the scenes with a dissembled C-3PO strapped to the Wookiees’s back in Cloud City, on the planet Bespin.

Harrison Ford still became a household name in the Indiana Jones films, though the fourth film in that franchise was never made.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 246 (or From the mind of Blomkamp…)


You are excited by the following trailer for Elysium, an upcoming film written and directed by Neill Blomkamp of District 9 fame… and yes, Sharlto Copley is in it, too.

Behold!


How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 243 (or Intergalactic gladiatorial arenas and personal dream sequences)


You recently had a dream that you accidentally traveled through an Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky bridge (also known as an Einstein-Rosen bridge or “wormhole”) connecting two points in space-time.

Upon arriving at the wormhole’s other end, you find yourself held captive by a group of aliens from the Predator film franchise, who force you to fight in an intergalactic gladiatorial arena alongside fellow captives Lieutenant Commander Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation, and Chicago-area wizard and private detective Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden from The Dresden Files novels.

Throughout the remainder of the dream, you embark on a journey of survival with these characters in which you repeatedly attempt to get a letter of recommendation from Data endorsing your application to Starfleet Academy, as well as secure a wizard’s apprenticeship with Dresden.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 241 (or “Bowfinger” did it first…)


Having read the first book and seen the first movie in the Twilight Saga, and loathed both with a passion, you have avoided the work of Stephenie Meyer and the subsequent film adaptations that have occurred.  As such, when you first saw the trailer (provided below) for the film adaptation of Meyer’s supposed “science fiction” novel, The Host, you were shocked.

Why the shock? While you haven’t read the book, you have seen the film Bowfinger, a comedy in which a terrible director secretly films a famous actor without his knowledge in order to make a science fiction film called Chubby Rain, about aliens invading Earth via raindrops.

Thus, you exclaimed, “I can’t believe it… The Host is basically Chubby Rain being filmed for real!”

Behold, and judge for yourself.

A farewell to “Fringe”…


The J. J. Abrams television series Fringe recently ended its five-year run on FOX, leaving an empty space in the world of nerds that was once filled with alternate universes, Red Vines, bald mystery men, and “show-me” cards.  As a tribute, we thought it appropriate to show a couple of YouTube videos that pay homage to the show, and its most unique character, Dr. Walter Bishop, portrayed by John Noble.

 

This compilation highlights many funny Walter Bishop moments up to 2010. If you have yet to see the show, this video will give you a taste of some rather great moments for which to anticipate.


This is a rather sentimental tribute video to the show's journey, but Fringe deserve some sentiment… it was a truly solid television series.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 210 (or Back in “Bakula”)


Several years ago, you were romantically interested in someone, but were stuck in the dreaded “friend zone” for many months.  The person in whom you were interested began dating someone else, who was supposedly “just like you.”  In fact, it was the other person’s wish that you befriend their new significant other.  You genuinely attempt to honor this wish.  However, the conversation develops as follows:

OTHER PERSON: “You two really ought to be friends.  You have a lot in common.”

YOU: “Really?  What might that be?”

OTHER PERSON: “You like the same nerdy stuff.  Take Star Trek, for instance.  He’s just as much a fan as you are and he’s really astute.  I can see the two of you conversing for hours.”

YOU: “Alright, ask him this question for me and we’ll see how astute he is… What does he think of the theme song to the Star Trek series called Enterprise?”

*time elapses*

OTHER PERSON: “He loves the theme song.  He thinks it’s catchy.”

YOU: “In that case, I’m afraid our Star Trek conversation has ended before it began.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 208 (“The Matrix” versus Carl Sagan)


During a graduate school discussion related to Carl Sagan, your instructor mentions the following video after a classmate pointing out a similarity in Sagan’s voice and Hugo Weaving’s voice (as Agent Smith) in The Matrix.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 202 (or “Is that a rocket-pack strapped to your back, or are you just happy to see me?” )


You are somewhat enthused upon reading that Disney is considering a remake of the 1991 film The Rocketeer because you were always a fan of that movie, having actually seen it in the theater “back in the day” (although, you freely admit that you may be biased as you were mesmerized by Jennifer Connelly the first time you saw it).

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 197 (or fun with aliens and advertising slogans )


You find the idea of seeing one of the Alien franchise films at a “retro movie night” appealing, if only for the opportunity to yell out, “L’eggo my Eggo!” when a face-hugger jumps out of its egg pouch onto someone’s face.

Our level of the Dark Tower (or I cry your pardon…)


Long days and pleasant nights, avid reader!

While, I won’t go so far as to say that I’ve forgotten the face of my father, I cry your pardon for this overdue post.  Relatives from New York (not so fast, sai… they’re from this when, I say thankee) and more family from across the pond required my attention this past Saturday.  Though time is a face on the water, time does move but one way on this level of the Tower, so I was forced to make the hard choice to provide two extra posts on this day in order to honor our khef.  Ya ken khef, I hope… ’tis the sharing of water (or in our case, nerdy ideas).

So, behold, my ka-tet of readers… two more posts shall follow this one, by watch and by warrant.

May your days be long upon the earth!

— Brandon, Proprietor and “would-be” Wordslinger

 

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 183 (or “LV-426” ain’t no license plate number…)


In a recent conversation, you suggested to someone that watching the film Aliens is actually an awesome way to get psyched for their roadtrip because you can guarantee that any travel experience in real life is automatically better than having to spend millions of miles in cryogenic slumber only to face a nest of acid-bleeding xenomorphs upon arrival.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 166 (or trippy “Trek” meets techno “Trek”)


You find each of the following Star Trek music videos amusing…

A bit of old…

A bit of new…

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 165 (or library books of the “Long Sun”)


You have begun using your university’s inter-library loan system to request science fiction novels during semester breaks.  The first book you requested was Litany of the Long Sun, which is the the first half of Gene Wolfe’s Book of the Long Sun in one volume.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 158 (or one hell of a “Guy”…)


Viewing the video below only deepens your appreciation for Guy Pearce and increases your enthusiasm for the upcoming Ridley Scott film Prometheus…

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 152 (or “No novel left behind…”)


While waiting for someone, you wander into a book store and find yourself drawn to the graphic novels, science fiction, and fantasy books.

You then begin taking inventory of these printed works as if they were trading cards.  Your mind races over them, thinking: Got it, got it, need it, got it, need it, need it… etc.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 149 (or “Sliders” was doing it all wrong… )


When you watched the former FOX/Scifi Channel (before the SYFY renaming) showSliders, starring Jerry O’Connell, for the first time in years, you kept criticizing the show aloud.  However, these weren’t criticisms of the show’s production.  Instead, you criticized the lack of scientific record keeping that took place as the small group of people randomly traveled to parallel universes.

Even though the “timing device” that opened portals for them was set on random, you couldn’t believe that the two group members who were quantum physicists never bothered to keep a notebook with any unique identifying numbers, etc., that the timer generated on each trip to another Earth, in order to attempt some kind of cataloging system that labeled the various universes for further study or just later reference.  Also, the characters would often spend time trying to find out the specific history of the universe they were visiting, but you never noticed them retaining any of the notes or documentation they found.  Its not like they couldn’t carry the information in a backpack.

Who wouldn’t want a Jimi Hendrix album recorded live in the 1990s, for example?