Blog Archives

In an alternate universe: Event 19 (or “Less carbonite required”)

In an alternate universe, the actor Peter Dinklage (best known as “The Half Man,” Tyrion Lannister on HBO’s Game of Thrones) was born decades earlier, allowing him to beat out Harrison Ford for the role of Han Solo in Star Wars: Episode IV.

Not only does Dinklage successfully pull off the role due to genuine “leading man” qualities, but his physical stature lends itself to combat-related scenes in which he rides Chewbacca piggyback style, while shooting his blaster.  This also occurs in Empire Strikes Back in the scenes with a dissembled C-3PO strapped to the Wookiees’s back in Cloud City, on the planet Bespin.

Harrison Ford still became a household name in the Indiana Jones films, though the fourth film in that franchise was never made.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 231 (or “The Sleeper Has Awakened!”)

As it is the holiday season once again, you have begun making references to the alternate universe Christmas figure you created last year, who lives in Antarctica,  known as Guraknok the Christmas Golem, in the presence of various people around you (though only to your friends, rather than your new work colleagues).  You are also considering the creation of a Guraknok costume for Halloween 2013.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 149 (or “Sliders” was doing it all wrong… )

When you watched the former FOX/Scifi Channel (before the SYFY renaming) showSliders, starring Jerry O’Connell, for the first time in years, you kept criticizing the show aloud.  However, these weren’t criticisms of the show’s production.  Instead, you criticized the lack of scientific record keeping that took place as the small group of people randomly traveled to parallel universes.

Even though the “timing device” that opened portals for them was set on random, you couldn’t believe that the two group members who were quantum physicists never bothered to keep a notebook with any unique identifying numbers, etc., that the timer generated on each trip to another Earth, in order to attempt some kind of cataloging system that labeled the various universes for further study or just later reference.  Also, the characters would often spend time trying to find out the specific history of the universe they were visiting, but you never noticed them retaining any of the notes or documentation they found.  Its not like they couldn’t carry the information in a backpack.

Who wouldn’t want a Jimi Hendrix album recorded live in the 1990s, for example?

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 148 (or “Slacker” science)

You recently watched Richard Linklater’s 1991 film Slacker for the first time.  During an opening monologue given by Linklater himself, as he plays a person who is riding in a cab, you actually say aloud, “Wow… that must be what I sound like to most people!”

Why?  Well, you realize during the scene that you’ve talked about the very subject on which he speaks, including having made many of the same postulations, in previous conversations over the years.  You spend the rest of the film trying to decide if this is good or bad, but never seem to reach a definitive conclusion.
This is the exact scene in question:

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 146 (or quite literally the girl of my dreams… )

This video makes you laugh, not only for its concept, but also because you are a fan of Fringe and actress Anna Torv. Watching this, you can’t shake the feeling that this video is about 90% similar to a dream you once had…

In an alternate universe: Event 12

In an alternate universe,  the first person to purpose the idea of college students playing, “Muggle Quidditch” is immediately dismissed as being foolish when it is pointed out that quidditch was created to be played by wizards flying around on broomsticks in a work of fantasy.

After responding, “Ya know, you’ve got a point there,” that person forever abandons the idea, in favor of bringing to life the game of Parrises Squares, created for the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation.

In an alternate universe: Event 11

In an alternate universe, Santa Claus does not exist.  Instead, presents are delivered to children all over the world by Guraknok the Christmas Golem, who lives in a shack in Antarctica most of the year.

Guraknok uses a magic ring forged in elvish blood to teleport himself into homes on Christmas Eve. He does bring presents, but in order to receive them, the head of each household must correctly answer a series of riddles and then defeat him in single combat.  Those who fail must relinquish all of their Christmas presents to him and provide him with all of the meat products in their home or be stricken from Christmas participation for the following year.

In an alternate universe: Event 10

In an alternate universe, Americans do not eat turkey on Thanksgiving, as the United Sates adopted Benjamin Franklin’s suggestion of making the turkey the national bird.  They know not what they are missing in that sad, lonely universe.

In an alternate universe: Event 8

In an alternate universe, when a person says the phrase, “Size matters,” it is generally acknowledged as a reference to the size of someone’s personal library collection.

In an alternate universe: Event 6

In an alternate universe, politicians in the United States are elected through competition in a specialized academic decathlon, followed by a Medievil-style melee complete with swords.

In an alternate universe: Event 5

In an alternate universe, the first man who ever rose up to declare, “God has decreed that I should become your ruler and be called a king,” was considered by most people to be out of his mind. Therefore, the idea of kings and divine right never caught on.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 70

When the Kinect was first announced for the XBox 360, this scene from Back to the Future: Part II immediately came to mind.

In an alternate universe: Event 4

In an alternate universe, all of the Transformers films were written and directed by Christopher Nolan.

In an alternate universe: Event 3

In an alternate universe, the Twilight Saga ends with a team of vampire slayers destroying everyone. In yet another universe, the first book disappeared into obscurity, spawning no sequels.

In an alternate universe: Event 2

In an alternate universe, the majority of people running for political office actually know what they are doing, and seek office to help the public, instead of the opposite being true.

In an alternate universe: Event 1

This is the first of a new series of posts on this, our blog, in which we will put forth possible events that might exist in an alternate universe. Behold!

In an alternate universe, the Harry Potter series ends with an army of wizards from America descending on the scene, defeating Voldemort, and saving the day.

A Theory…

I’ve often thought that TV shows and films are representative of possible alternate realities. This would mean that Star Trek might exist in some form. Unfortunately, this means Twilight would exist, too. For every positive, there is a horrible mind-draining, soul-sucking negative.