Category Archives: Video Games
During a recent holiday gathering with the family of your significant other, you decide to educate the youngsters playing Minecraft and Lego Batman video games on an XBox 360 by telling them about the Super Nintendo you had at their age (which you still own) as well as other old systems such as the original Nintendo and first generation Playstation.
Upon listening to your history lesson of 1990s video games, one of your grammar school-aged audience members responds, “You must have a museum of legendary old video games.”
You fail to then point out, however, that such a thought is a rather generous assessment of being a nerd in your thirties.
While on your lunch break at work, you come to a startling realization. You not only have one song in your head, but several at the same time. These multiple tunes, competing for musical dominance, have blended into a single amalgamated “mega song” consisting of the following source material:
Rush’s Fly By Night; the original Mario Bros. video game theme; Stuck in the Middle With You by Gerry Rafferty (Stealers Wheel); and Led Zeppelin’s No Quarter.
During a long phone conversation with an old friend, who often takes the opposing view to yours in a discussion, you find yourself defending the legitimacy of Skyfall as a Bond film, in which you go so far as to list reasons why it is perhaps one of the best Bond films, the talks break down when you make the mistake of mentioning the now-defunct Stephen King Dark Tower film adaptation. The impetus of the Dark Tower entering the conversation was your reaction to seeing two actors working side-by-side who were rumored to be considered for the role of Roland Deschain, The Gunslinger, at various times.
The final insult was when he refused to believe you (as he will not read the series, though you have and love each book) as to why Javier Bardem’s Spanish accent doesn’t fit the role of Deschain (the content of Wizard and Glass serving as that reason, in your opinion), and he kept calling the series’ protagonist by a long list of incorrect names just to annoy you even though you had said “The Gunslinger” at least six times.
It was a then that you realized that you react the same way to people making negative comments about The Dark Tower series, when they haven’t even read any of the books, as Marty McFly reacts to being called a chicken in the Back to the Future films
While watching the film Lincoln a few weeks ago, you relished the many anecdotes that Daniel Day-Lewis tells during several scenes, and have to resist the urge to turn to the people you were seeing the film with and say the following:
“You see… that’s what I’m going for when I tell ‘random’ stories! Witness the art of well-told anecdotes! I am humbled and shall strive to improve my technique, this I declare, lest it be said that I have forgotten the face of my father.”
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 227 (or “A science fantasy franchise is sold to a company founded by a crogenically frozen cartoonist…”)
Upon discovering that George Lucas sold the rights to the Star Wars franchise to the Walt Disney Co., to “ensure” the future of the franchise, as Lucas looks toward retirement, you have the following response:
“Well, this might lead to interesting improvements because as far as I’m concerned, the worst thing to happen to the legacy of Star Wars was George Lucas, himself.”
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 224 (or I don’t see dead people, but I do see poorly thought out plots that rely too heavily on a twist!)
You enjoy pointing out plot holes and illogical elements of the “clever” twists of M. Night Shyamalan films. The resulting conversations are often more interesting than the films themselves.
A friend of yours showed you an [adult swim] “mockumentary” of a shot-for-shot “remake” of the opening credit sequence of the 1980s detective television series Simon & Simon, about two brothers who run a detective agency. The original series (which you remember fondly from childhood) starred Gerald MacRaney and Jameson Parker. The remake starred Jon Hamm and Adam Scott, respectively, along with Paul Rudd.
Written by Paul Scheer and directed by Scott as well as Lance Bangs, upon seeing this mockumentary, you laughed aloud so hard that you started your dog… again.
To see the remake along with the original version of the credit sequence: Click here.
Though you have yet to attempt to play it (and have not seen anyone turn it on), the place at which you intern has an Atari 2600, complete with controllers and multiple game cartridges in one of the break rooms. Each time you pass by it, you feel a warm sense of nostalgia.
You recently said, “When I was a kid, the Final Fantasy video game sequels were still in the single digits.”
This Memorial Day, you find yourself watching the 2007 film There Will Be Blood starring Daniel Day-Lewis. After the final confrontation scene, you say to aloud, “I feel like drinking a milkshake.”
You recently got into an argument with someone over the content of your Netflix queue, as you were hoping to show a friend the Nicolas Winding Refn film Drive, which reminded you of the Michael Mann films of the 1980s. However, your recommendation was rebuffed because someone had recently told them that Ryan Gosling “whines too much” in the film. You find this shocking, explaining to your friend that nowhere in the film does that occur, but you are disbelieved and overruled.
Having never taken an interest in the Swamp Thing comic books, you develop a desire to read the Alan Moore version of the series after hearing someone talk about it for five minutes. A critical component in the genesis of this new-found interest was the assertion that even though Moore’s version is not considered part of the main Swamp Thing canon, many consider it to be the superior work in the series.
You are slightly concerned that you’ve been brainwashed by the commercials on HULU because after seeing the same advertisement for the Max Payne 3 video game played at least thirty times in a row while you were watching a mini-marathon of various television shows on HULU, you ended up purchasing the Max Payne 3 video game.
But I ask, if anyone saw the following video thirty times, would they not be tempted?
*PARENTAL ADVISORY SUGGESTED*
You log onto the Playstation Network and see an advertisement for Axe Body Spray, which is promoting the product’s first graphic novel. You then laugh so hard at the sight of this that you knock over your PS3 remote.
When the Kinect was first announced for the XBox 360, this scene from Back to the Future: Part II immediately came to mind.
You’ve had the following thought at least once: “Comic Con might be a great place to meet women.”
You would describe yourself as having the heart of a Krogan, the mind of a Salarian, and because of your allergies, the immune system of a Quarian. Keelah se’lai!
You wish that Facebook would allow users to “Check-In” at hypothetical locations, as you would love nothing more than to post, “Drinking with a Krogan and a Turian on the Citadel.”
Not to forget Tron over Mass Effect, you would also wish to post, “Greetings, programs… heading on over to the End of Line Club.”