Category Archives: Music

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 266 (or Wedding “Clashers”)

While serving as a groomsman at the wedding of a long-time friend, casual conversation with your fellow groomsman evolved into an elaborate, comedic brainstorming session of hypothetical wedding plans for your future possible nuptials.  Ideas put forth included the following elements: a luche libre mask, a Klingon bat’leth, a bouncy castle, chimpanzees, a multilingual officiant who speaks High Valyrian, and Danzig songs.

To the chagrin of your significant other, part of you finds the Klingon bat’leth idea intriguing and the Danzig music an interesting choice for the reception.


How to tell your’re a nerd: Method 237 (or Facebook and temporal confusion)

You realize from recent experience that staying off of Facebook for three months and then finally signing back in is disorienting in much the same way as being suddenly transported into the future (or woken from a coma). You find out that you have missed major events that had only been shared as status updates, not unlike the following:

Engagements; pregnancies; new pets; friends who have moved, changed careers, or become vegan; new hairstyles, beards, and tattoos; as well as grown men who are nearly 30 years old, suddenly going from liking heavy metal to posting cringe-worthy statements in favor of the musical sound of the band Fun.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 230 (or musical “nesting dolls” of the mind…)

While on your lunch break at work, you come to a startling realization.  You not only have one song in your head, but several at the same time.  These multiple tunes, competing for musical dominance, have blended into a single amalgamated “mega song” consisting of the following source material:

Rush’s Fly By Night; the original Mario Bros. video game theme; Stuck in the Middle With You by Gerry Rafferty (Stealers Wheel); and Led Zeppelin’s No Quarter.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 226 (or a holiday “connection”… with swordplay and mustaches)

You come across a trailer for an obscure, humorously terrible action movie from twenty five years ago, called Miami Connection, which has been resurrected by Drafthouse Films.  Upon discovering that it will be available on Blu-ray and DVD in the United States on December 11, after completing a very limited theatrical run, your inner child seems to take hold, making you declare that this film is the inaugural item on your holiday wish list.

Behold that trailer!

*Warning* Not appropriate for all audiences.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 225 (or “Riffs, picks, and guitar licks”)

As I have been working to complete my Master’s degree in preparation for a December graduation, I found myself trapped in a nexus of librarianship that is not unlike the anomaly of the same name from the film Star Trek: Generations, but filled with library projects rather than Christmas memories and horseback riding with Captains Kirk and Picard. However, I have escaped in time for Turkey Day, and bring you the following (with more to come over the next several days):

You discover this video of the “100 Best Rock and Roll Guitar Riffs”, and though you are entertained, you notice some of your favorite riffs are not included. You then find yourself asking, where is the version of this dedicated to Heavy Metal?


How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 219 (or “Faces” and bad places)

During a casual conversation about music, you made the following statement:

“The only thing more annoying than Rod Stewart was Rod Stewart in the band Faces.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 213 (or “Straight out of ENCOM…”)

Upon viewing the following video, you exclaim, “This describes everything great about Tron in under five minutes…”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 206 (or How “Como” you own that?!)

Your long-standing love for vinyl records has led you to acquire every album your parents ever owned without question.  Unfortunately, upon closer inspection, a fellow music lover (who’s opinions on music you greatly respect) discovered an album in your collection that you were unaware existed among them.  What was it? Behold the horror!

Your response to owning a Perry Como Christmas album (especially one resembling a scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo):

“It’s from my Albums Most Likely to be Playing in Hell collection.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 195 (or parodies in the name of the Eld)

Someone catches you singing a song under your breath and asks, “Are you singing Addicted to Love?”  You then explain that you were actually singing a Dark Tower-inspired parody song you thought up (but have yet to complete) called Addicted to Lud.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 186 (or R.I.P. River Phoenix)

When driving down Sunset Blvd., in Hollywood (for the first time) you exclaim, “Oh sweet, look over there… it’s the Viper Room!”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 166 (or trippy “Trek” meets techno “Trek”)

You find each of the following Star Trek music videos amusing…

A bit of old…

A bit of new…

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 165 (or library books of the “Long Sun”)

You have begun using your university’s inter-library loan system to request science fiction novels during semester breaks.  The first book you requested was Litany of the Long Sun, which is the the first half of Gene Wolfe’s Book of the Long Sun in one volume.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 164 (or old school thrillers and soundtrack searches)

You spent an entire afternoon (to no avail) searching online for a compact disc or legal mp3 file featuring the song “Red Harvest” by Paul Saax, used in the opening and closing credits of a 1988 thriller starring James Spader called Jack’s Back.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 139 (or dragon tattoo removal)

Determined to resist the literary fad of reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and its sequels, but tired of defending yourself to fans of the series (while remembering the horrors you suffered by reading the detritus that is the first book in the The Twilight Saga) you’ve decided to answer, “Have you read those books yet?” with the following response:

“I’m waiting for the posthumous spin-off series, The Girl with the Tattoo of Sean Connery Wielding a Flaming Sword While Riding a Crimson Pegasus Charging Toward Michael Caine Who is Carrying a Crossbow While Mounted on a Centaur that is Actually Weird Al Yankovic (Circa 1989) from the Waist Up.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 86

You just realized that even after all these years, you can recite the complete lyrics of the Captain Planet cartoon theme song.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 80

You become visibly animated and yell, “Victory!” upon successfully utilizing Netflix to track down a 1993 Saturday Night Live sketch called “Teen Band” from a Halloween episode hosted by Christian Slater, because you have described this sketch to countless people since it first aired but have not actually seen it in 18 years.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 67

When most people in your high school were listening to Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock, you were making futile attempts to get your friends to listen to Jethro Tull, saying things like, “Ian Anderson’s flute solo is mind-blowing.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 65

After viewing the trailer for the remake of Fright Night, you looked up and purchased the song featured in it because you thought it was catchy and brooding. So, you now own My Turn to Evil by Letters Vs. Numbers (even though you had never heard of Letters Vs. Numbers).

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 53

You own vinyl records, are under the age of 30, and you are not a disc jockey.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 37

Upon hearing someone refer to Tron Legacy as essentially nothing more than a 90 minute Daft Punk music video, part of you wanted to slap them with a glove across their cheek and challenge them to a Victorian duel at ten paces, using water balloons.