Category Archives: Facebook

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 254 (or “The Way of the Thankful Turkey”)


You have devoted a large portion of your Thanksgiving holiday break to streaming kung fu and samurai films in between reading old pulp fiction crime novels in e-book format.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 154 (or a joke or two…)


When someone posts a vague, negative post on Facebook alluding to having a bad day and/or lamenting about their life, you always think the following:

If you’re going to use Facebook as a platform for complaining, at least be funny about it.  It’s the least you could do.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 89


Your first instinct when trying to offer condolescences to someone suffering a personal loss is to point out the following:

“If you stop to think about it, the person you miss is actually alive, well, and prospering by your side… it’s just occuring in an alternate universe.”

You decide against verbalizing that sentiment as few people have, historically, taken such a statement with the warm intent in which it would be offered.

 

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 87


Your oldest friend posts a message on a social media site concerning the prevention of their credit card’s fraudulent use in Ecuador by some unknown brigand, thanks to successful identity theft protection monitoring by their credit card company.  This message states how relieved they are, at this outcome.

Rather than simply reply with a short, trite comment saying some form of reassurance or congratulations on a potential crisis being averted, you decide to post a lengthy response in which you postulate a theory that the mysterious person who attempted to use their card, might actually be their future-self, who has traveled back in time to the present in order to save an Ecuadorian woman who is the future mother to a messianic offspring responsible for saving the human race.

You then accuse your friend of actually hindering the successful completion of their future-self’s mission by allowing the credit card company to intercede. Finally, you do offer them congratulations on being the possible father of the yet-to-be-conceived child, and then reassure them that they can alter the timeline to correct this error in judgment when their present-self later becomes the time traveler.  You conclude by mentioning the role of temporal paradoxes and multiverse theory in how this correction might be accomplished.

Having completely minimized the seriousness of your friend’s original message, and successfully injected unrequested humor into the situation, you submit your post.  You then wait for your friend’s amused and yet annoyed/ flabbergasted response.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 45


Your Facebook page includes quotes from Robert E. Howard, Albert Einstein, Frank Herbert, and George Carlin.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 40


You wish that Facebook would allow users to “Check-In” at hypothetical locations, as you would love nothing more than to post, “Drinking with a Krogan and a Turian on the Citadel.”

Not to forget Tron over Mass Effect, you would also wish to post, “Greetings, programs… heading on over to the End of Line Club.”