Category Archives: Comic Books

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 261 (or “Neil Gaiman, I invoke thee!”

When asked, during a library job interview, to discuss the relevance of libraries in today’s society, your response included the following quote, which you enthusiastically credited to Neil Gaiman: “Google can bring you back 100,000 answers. A librarian can bring you back the right one.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 252 (or “Not your daddy’s Robocop…”)

Upon seeing the trailer for the upcoming Robocop film, starring Joel Kinnaman of AMC’s crime drama The Killing, you are struck by one thing while sitting in that movie theater. It is not that this looks like it has a chance of being a fresh, inventive take on this tale (if the almost robot-ninja way Robocop looks and moves doesn’t ruin it). Nor is it the interesting cast that includes Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson, and Gary Oldman.

No… you are struck silent by the stupefying question that a grown man seated behind you asks another, as a moment of quiet descends in the theater once the trailer ends.

The question: “Is that a remake?”

And with that, I present the trailer…

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 244 (or “Kneel before Neil!”)

Your knowledge of various mythologies (Norse, Greek, etc.) primarily comes from college classes and the works of Neil Gaiman.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 211 (or “The Commish…” No, not that one, the other one!)

While out on a lunch break, you are so startled that you drop your smartphone when you behold a man walk past you who exactly resembles Commissioner Gordon, as he appears in Batman: The Animated Series.  You then have to consciously keep yourself from yelling, “Yo, Commissioner! Where’s The Bat?”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 199 (or the ultimate weapon… the “Bat-kini” )

While visiting your cousin and her children at a local community swimming pool, you find yourself greatly distracted by the arrival of a rather buxom blonde woman in her mid 20s, who is wearing a Batman bikini.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 161 (or a “Thing” about Alan Moore )

Having never taken an interest in the Swamp Thing comic books, you develop a desire to read the Alan Moore version of the series after hearing someone talk about it for five minutes.  A critical component in the genesis of this new-found interest was the assertion that even though Moore’s version is not considered part of the main Swamp Thing canon, many consider it to be the superior work in the series.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 152 (or “No novel left behind…”)

While waiting for someone, you wander into a book store and find yourself drawn to the graphic novels, science fiction, and fantasy books.

You then begin taking inventory of these printed works as if they were trading cards.  Your mind races over them, thinking: Got it, got it, need it, got it, need it, need it… etc.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 124 (or a “cool” Batman idea)

For years, you have maintained that Christopher Lloyd would have made a great Mr. Freeze, which is one of the many reasons that you lament the film Batman & Robin.

In fact, the only good thing you can say about that movie is a funny memory of seeing it in a movie theater back in 1997.  In the scene where Robin peals away some sort of lip wax he had secretly applied to prevent Poison Ivy’s kiss from killing him, an audience member screamed, “Bat Lips!”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 115 (or the “Big Bang Theory” character amalgamation)

More than one person has commented that you are like a character from the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory, about a group of friends who are nerdy science academics.  Unfortunately, a case can be made for comparison between yourself and more than one of the characters, thanks to examples not unlike the following:

Within the course of two hours, during a Christmas function in December 2011, your “go-to” conversation topics consisted of historical trivia about Theodore Roosevelt, two jokes related to quantum physics, an explanation of issues related to your seasonal allergies, a discussion of a comedy sketch you wrote for an as-yet-to-be-filmed Web-based sketch comedy project for which you were asked to collaborate, and Batman.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 114 (or “Spray it, don’t say it!”)

You log onto the Playstation Network and see an advertisement for Axe Body Spray, which is promoting the product’s first graphic novel.  You then laugh so hard at the sight of this that you knock over your PS3 remote.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 110

You turned down going to see a retrospective theatrical showing of Tim Burton’s 1989 film, Batman, because you had to get up early the next morning to attend an eight-hour library science course lecture on a Saturday.  A lone, sad cry is then heard in the back of your mind as your 1989 counterpart (who saw the film in a theater with your dad as a father/ son outing) sends you a psychic message of his disapproval and perceived betrayal on your part toward the memory of your childhood.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 107

Knowing that you are on a date, your best friend decides that it would be funny to keep texting you random images of The Joker from Batman comics every few minutes.  You then have to explain to your rather intimidatingly attractive date why you keep getting text messages so often, all the while hoping that she finds it amusing rather than weird that a grown man (who had been given the nickname Joker by you a few years ago) is sending comic book images to another grown man.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 103

Your method of dealing with rejection is to finish reading the Sandman comics by Neil Gaiman… and it actually makes you feel better about the situation.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 83

Because of your affinity for Stephen King’s Dark Tower series, you say, “Thankee sai,” on a regular basis, especially in flirtatious situations with members of the opposite sex.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 81

The main reason you watch the Syfy original series Haven is to catch Stephen King multiverse Easter eggs (hidden references), secretly hoping for as many Dark Tower references as possible. You also think the shows’ chosen depiction of Pennywise the Dancing Clown in his brief appearance was rather lame and disappointing.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 66

You wish life were like comic books, thereby allowing you to retcon awkward conversations with the opposite sex in social situations so you can seem more charming.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 61

You’ve had the following thought at least once: “Comic Con might be a great place to meet women.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 51

When the film Country Strong was first released, you kept harping that the film’s title sounded like a political speech that might theoretically be given by The Incredible Hulk.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 7

Upon seeing Spiderman 3, you left the movie theater in a rage, saying statements resembling the following: “For one thing, Venom is supposed to speak in first person plural!”

“The Wire” goes Dickensian

A fresh, visionary look at the HBO series The Wire, portraying it as a riveting tale set in Victorian England, now exists in the multiverse.

Check it out.