Monthly Archives: February 2013

How to tell your’re a nerd: Method 237 (or Facebook and temporal confusion)

You realize from recent experience that staying off of Facebook for three months and then finally signing back in is disorienting in much the same way as being suddenly transported into the future (or woken from a coma). You find out that you have missed major events that had only been shared as status updates, not unlike the following:

Engagements; pregnancies; new pets; friends who have moved, changed careers, or become vegan; new hairstyles, beards, and tattoos; as well as grown men who are nearly 30 years old, suddenly going from liking heavy metal to posting cringe-worthy statements in favor of the musical sound of the band Fun.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 236 (or “TV shows around the globe”)

Recently, when asked what television shows you are following you had to break it down by country, as you watch shows from: America, Great Britain, Australia, Canada, and France.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 235 (or “Where’s the chimp?”)

After you recently watched the R-rated teen comedy film Project X, about an out-of-control birthday party for a high school kid that devolves into a flame-ridden riot, you make the following comment:

“I began watching this movie thinking it was a remake of the 1987 Matthew Broderick film, Project X, about a secret airforce program that trained chimpanzees to fly in aircraft simulators. Boy was I wrong!”

To which someone tells you: “Obviously, you never saw this movie’s trailer… and you are probably the only person that even remembers that they ever even made another Project X in 1987.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 234 (or “My Dinner with Orlock”)

While you are viewing the film Shadow of the Vampire for the first time in years, you remember why this John Malkovich/ Willem Dafoe movie is arguably one of the best vampire films of all time… it’s equal parts creepy and hilarious.  Released in 2000, this film presents a fictionalized account of the making of Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau’s 1922 film, Nosferatu: Eine Symphonie des Grauens (Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror). The version of events presented in Shadow of the Vampire has Murnau (Malkovich) hiring an actual vampire in the role of Count Orlock, telling lies to his cast and crew about his star being a “method actor” named Max Schreck (Dafoe).

What follows is perhaps one of the greatest examples of an egomaniacal director trying to control a difficult, uncooperative star… though in this case, the star is a bitter, ugly, centuries-old vampire who wants to eat the crew.  Dafoe’s “Orlock/ Schreck” is what a vampire should be: dangerous, scary, evil-looking, and tragic.  You find yourself repulsed by him, and yet sympathize with the sadness that permeates his immortal existence.

It is during this latest viewing, that you wish that they would make a prequel to Shadow of the Vampire depicting the agreement first made between Murnau and Schreck prior to making Nosferatu.  You envision the film being shot much like My Dinner with Andre, in that the whole movie is a conversation between Murnau and Schreck about their agreement as well as their views on life, its meaning, and their life experiences.

After viewing the trailer for Shadow of the Vampire presented below, ask yourself: Who wouldn’t want to see such a prequel?