Monthly Archives: October 2012

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 224 (or I don’t see dead people, but I do see poorly thought out plots that rely too heavily on a twist!)

You enjoy pointing out plot holes and illogical elements of the “clever” twists of  M. Night Shyamalan films.  The resulting conversations are often more interesting than the films themselves.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 223 (or “Hey, that’s not what I meant by ‘role playing games’!”)

You actually had a conversation with someone long ago about dating and relationships in which the other person used RPG video game terminology to make an analogy.  Not only was the advice unhelpful, but you still marvel at the sheer number of RPG references it contained, including the word “chocobo,” which a bird from the Final Fantasy video game series.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 222 (or “Live from New York, Louie C.K. will be bringing the funny!”)

You were so excited to find out that comedian (and genius) Louis C.K. is hosting the November 3 broadcast of Saturday Night Live that you actually marked it down in your smartphone calendar so that you would not forget about it.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 221 (or “Is that a rocket in your pocket… or are you just happy to see me?”)

You discover that you make the same excited, cheering noises that most sports fans do, but only when watching things like the following movie trailer for the upcoming Iron Man 3 film.  Bonus: Shane Black (the father of the modern action film) was involved with the script.


How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 219 (or “Faces” and bad places)

During a casual conversation about music, you made the following statement:

“The only thing more annoying than Rod Stewart was Rod Stewart in the band Faces.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 218 (or “Simon & Simon” says…)

A friend of yours showed you an [adult swim] “mockumentary” of a shot-for-shot “remake” of the opening credit sequence of the 1980s detective television series Simon & Simon, about two brothers who run a detective agency.  The original series (which you remember fondly from childhood) starred Gerald MacRaney and Jameson Parker.  The remake starred Jon Hamm and Adam Scott, respectively, along with Paul Rudd.

Written by Paul Scheer and directed by Scott as well as Lance Bangs, upon seeing this mockumentary, you laughed aloud so hard that you started your dog… again.

To see the remake along with the original version of the credit sequence: Click here.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 217 (or Atari safari)

Though you have yet to attempt to play it (and have not seen anyone turn it on), the place at which you intern has an Atari 2600, complete with controllers and multiple game cartridges in one of the break rooms.  Each time you pass by it, you feel a warm sense of nostalgia.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 216 (or fish names and sit-com characters)

During your brief childhood experience as a goldfish owner, you picked out a fish that resembled the pet fish, “Abraham,” owned by Arnold Jackson (played by the late Gary Coleman) from the 1978 situation comedy Diff’rent Strokes, which you also named Abraham.


How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 215 (or “Die Difficult”)

The following movie trailer for the upcoming Die Hard 5 film, titled A Good Day to Die Hard, leaves you speechless… but you can’t tell if that reaction is a good thing or a bad thing.  And yes, folks… it apparently takes place in Russia.


How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 214 (or ideal employment opportunities)

Recently, you were asked to identify your ideal career, which took all of your willpower to not answer as follows:

“Preferably, I’d go with a line of work in time travel, but my second and third choices would be ‘intergalactic explorer/ lothario’ or a maester in Westeros.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 213 (or “Straight out of ENCOM…”)

Upon viewing the following video, you exclaim, “This describes everything great about Tron in under five minutes…”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 212 (or birthday greetings in the twenty-first century )

You have stopped wishing friends a “Happy birthday,” as you feel it is a rather common and impersonal greeting.  Instead, you know say either “Happy Utero-Exodus Day,” or “Congratulations on the anniversary of having successfully escaped your mother’s uterus!”

[*Warning* Use greeting only when person’s mother is still living to avoid unintended fallout.]

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 211 (or “The Commish…” No, not that one, the other one!)

While out on a lunch break, you are so startled that you drop your smartphone when you behold a man walk past you who exactly resembles Commissioner Gordon, as he appears in Batman: The Animated Series.  You then have to consciously keep yourself from yelling, “Yo, Commissioner! Where’s The Bat?”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 210 (or Back in “Bakula”)

Several years ago, you were romantically interested in someone, but were stuck in the dreaded “friend zone” for many months.  The person in whom you were interested began dating someone else, who was supposedly “just like you.”  In fact, it was the other person’s wish that you befriend their new significant other.  You genuinely attempt to honor this wish.  However, the conversation develops as follows:

OTHER PERSON: “You two really ought to be friends.  You have a lot in common.”

YOU: “Really?  What might that be?”

OTHER PERSON: “You like the same nerdy stuff.  Take Star Trek, for instance.  He’s just as much a fan as you are and he’s really astute.  I can see the two of you conversing for hours.”

YOU: “Alright, ask him this question for me and we’ll see how astute he is… What does he think of the theme song to the Star Trek series called Enterprise?”

*time elapses*

OTHER PERSON: “He loves the theme song.  He thinks it’s catchy.”

YOU: “In that case, I’m afraid our Star Trek conversation has ended before it began.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 209 (or Demons and duels in “Downtown”)

When asked, “What are you reading?” you reply as follows:

“A series of books called Sandman Slim, about a guy who gets transported to Hell while he is still alive, and has to to fight in a Hellion gladiatorial arena for several years before escaping to Los Angeles.  Part of me knows I should dislike it because the writing is very unpolished, but the irreverent, ‘I don’t care’ attitude of the main character is surprisingly engrossing.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 208 (“The Matrix” versus Carl Sagan)

During a graduate school discussion related to Carl Sagan, your instructor mentions the following video after a classmate pointing out a similarity in Sagan’s voice and Hugo Weaving’s voice (as Agent Smith) in The Matrix.

Back from the nether-regions of academic inquiry (or “Are you smarter than a fifth grader… from the planet Vulcan?”)

Fear not, I have returned to you, my loyal readers!  I had not planned to leave you as I did, and for that verily, I cry your pardon.

As you may recall, I (your benevolent nerd-guide) have been working toward my Master’s degree in Library Information Science.  This past month, I took my End of Program Exam, which is one of the last hurdles to leap in order to be approved for graduation.  It was rather involved and ended up necessitating blog-related “radio silence” in order to complete it on time.  Had I better anticipated this unexpected communication blackout, I surely would have let you know in advance.

Though less than a month has gone by since my last posting, in the research paper-soaked corners of my mind, it seems as though decades have passed.  Now, much like the character Kyle Reese (portrayed by Michael Biehn) in The Terminator, I feel as though I have emerged through a time portal into an unfamiliar alleyway, unclothed and disoriented, screaming, “What’s the date?! The year! What’s the year?!”

I owe you penance, my readers.  For the next two weeks, I shall strive to bring you thrice the number of postings each day.  There shall be two more on this day, three tomorrow and Saturday, etc.

As the false head worn by Arnold Schwarzenegger proclaimed before exploding (in the original Total Recall film), “Get ready for a surprise!”