Monthly Archives: July 2012

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 190 (or Mid-World telemarketing techniques)


You are contacted by a telemarketer, who is attempting to sell you a service you do not want or need.  When they refuse to take “No” for an answer, you decide it would be funny to speak to them in the parlance of a Mid-World resident from the Dark Tower book series.

You then say the following statement, which causes the telemarketer to become very confused and you then hang up: “By the Turtle, I said no thankee-sai! Life for your crop!”

Mission accomplished…

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 189 (or Bale over Bacon)


You’ve adapted the game “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” into “Six Degrees of Christian Bale” and are trying to popularize it among your circle of friends.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 188 (or salutations according to “Tommy Boy”…)


When you haven’t seen your brother in awhile, you greet him by quoting from the Chris Farley film Tommy Boy, exclaiming, “Brothers don’t shake hands! Brothers gotta hug!”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 187 (or in the style of Arthur Eld…)


The following Dark Tower book series phrases are just a few among many, which are now part of your lexicon of conversational tools:

1) “Thankee-sai.”

2) “I cry your pardon.”

3) “I’d set my watch and warrant on it.”

4) “I wot.”

5) “Ka is like a wheel.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 186 (or R.I.P. River Phoenix)


When driving down Sunset Blvd., in Hollywood (for the first time) you exclaim, “Oh sweet, look over there… it’s the Viper Room!”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 185 (or libros in Los Angeles)


In your recent (and first) visit to Los Angeles, you included a visit to a local public library among your “must see” destinations.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 184 (or fun with fictional locations)


On a recent trip, you chose to answer your friend’s question, “Where are you now?” with the following Dark Tower reference as a response:

“I think this must be the Barony of Mejis.  Maybe there is a saloon around here with a Watch Me game I can join.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 183 (or “LV-426” ain’t no license plate number…)


In a recent conversation, you suggested to someone that watching the film Aliens is actually an awesome way to get psyched for their roadtrip because you can guarantee that any travel experience in real life is automatically better than having to spend millions of miles in cryogenic slumber only to face a nest of acid-bleeding xenomorphs upon arrival.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 182 (or “All things serve the Beam…”)


In all the recent trips taken by those whom you know, you find it disappointing that no one is going to travel southeast because it has prevented you from making a Dark Tower reference by saying, “Oh, you’re following the path of the Path of the Beam.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 181 (or grammar, ghouls, and ghosts )


When watching paranormal investigation reality television programs, you often find yourself mentally correcting the grammar of the questions posed to potential spirits by ghost hunters during EVP sessions.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 180 (or not quite a “Guardian” angel)


When someone recently mentioned a film called The Guardian, you assumed they were referring to a 1990 horror film about a nanny who is actually a Druid who sacrifices babies to a tree.

The person then looks at you dumbfounded, saying, “Umm… no, I meant that Ashton Kutcher/ Kevin Costner movie.”

You reply, “Oh… I never saw that one.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 179 (or You had me at “hellion.”)


Upon reading the following four-word television guide description of an episode of the paranormal reality show My Ghost Story, you burst out laughing and decide to watch it… those four words are: “A demonic ceramic giraffe.”