Monthly Archives: August 2011

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 84


You decided long ago that if ever you were to have children, they would be raised to consider Die Hard and Lethal Weapon equally valid Chirstmas films as perhaps Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Miracle on 34th Street.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 83


Because of your affinity for Stephen King’s Dark Tower series, you say, “Thankee sai,” on a regular basis, especially in flirtatious situations with members of the opposite sex.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 82


When asked to introduce yourself to the rest of your special collections course classmates on the first day of the new semester for your library science graduate degree, you proceed to try out untested stand-up comedy material that you’ve been working on, in anticipation of the mythical day when you get to perform at a real venue.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 81


The main reason you watch the Syfy original series Haven is to catch Stephen King multiverse Easter eggs (hidden references), secretly hoping for as many Dark Tower references as possible. You also think the shows’ chosen depiction of Pennywise the Dancing Clown in his brief appearance was rather lame and disappointing.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 80


You become visibly animated and yell, “Victory!” upon successfully utilizing Netflix to track down a 1993 Saturday Night Live sketch called “Teen Band” from a Halloween episode hosted by Christian Slater, because you have described this sketch to countless people since it first aired but have not actually seen it in 18 years.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 79


In the course of the same week, you have actually used the phrases, Words are wind, and Valar morghulis in casual conversation about real-word issues.

In an alternate universe: Event 6


In an alternate universe, politicians in the United States are elected through competition in a specialized academic decathlon, followed by a Medievil-style melee complete with swords.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 78


You have gotten into multiple arguments over the years regarding Star Wars, in which you have stressed the disregard for the laws of physics evident in the technology depicted in the films, as well as argued that the films should be considered “science fantasy” rather than “science fiction.”

In an alternate universe: Event 5


In an alternate universe, the first man who ever rose up to declare, “God has decreed that I should become your ruler and be called a king,” was considered by most people to be out of his mind. Therefore, the idea of kings and divine right never caught on.