Blog Archives

In an alternate universe: Event 20 (or “Hey Bergman, why so serious?”)


The following short film, Jeg Med Døden (I With Death), is directed by Ross Murray (who I am proud to call “brother”) and stars Taylor H. Wright as “I” and Jordan Thompson as “Death.”

Upon viewing this film you may find yourself thinking of the 1957 Swedish film Det Sjunde Inseglet (The Seventh Seal) directed by Ingmar Bergman and starring Max von Sydow as a knight of the Crusades who plays chess with Death for the fate of the knight’s soul.  Thus, this three-minute video made me think the following thought:

In an alternate universe, Ingmar Bergman’s The Seventh Seal was written with humor in mind, and is considered one of the most astute comedies of all time.

Behold, Jeg Med Døden! *WARNING! This video may not be appropriate for all audiences.*

 

A farewell to “Fringe”…


The J. J. Abrams television series Fringe recently ended its five-year run on FOX, leaving an empty space in the world of nerds that was once filled with alternate universes, Red Vines, bald mystery men, and “show-me” cards.  As a tribute, we thought it appropriate to show a couple of YouTube videos that pay homage to the show, and its most unique character, Dr. Walter Bishop, portrayed by John Noble.

 

This compilation highlights many funny Walter Bishop moments up to 2010. If you have yet to see the show, this video will give you a taste of some rather great moments for which to anticipate.


This is a rather sentimental tribute video to the show's journey, but Fringe deserve some sentiment… it was a truly solid television series.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 229 (or Those are fighting words, sai.)


During a long phone conversation with an old friend, who often takes the opposing view to yours in a discussion, you find yourself defending the legitimacy of Skyfall as a Bond film, in which you go so far as to list reasons why it is perhaps one of the best Bond films, the talks break down when you make the mistake of mentioning the now-defunct Stephen King Dark Tower film adaptation.  The impetus of the Dark Tower entering the conversation was your reaction to seeing two actors working side-by-side who were rumored to be considered for the role of Roland Deschain, The Gunslinger, at various times.

The final insult was when he refused to believe you (as he will not read the series, though you have and love each book) as to why Javier Bardem’s Spanish accent doesn’t fit the role of Deschain (the content of Wizard and Glass serving as that reason, in your opinion), and he kept calling the series’ protagonist by a long list of incorrect names just to annoy you even though you had said “The Gunslinger” at least six times.

It was a then that you realized that you react the same way to people making negative comments about The Dark Tower series, when they haven’t even read any of the books, as Marty McFly reacts to being called a chicken in the Back to the Future films

Our level of the Dark Tower (or I cry your pardon…)


Long days and pleasant nights, avid reader!

While, I won’t go so far as to say that I’ve forgotten the face of my father, I cry your pardon for this overdue post.  Relatives from New York (not so fast, sai… they’re from this when, I say thankee) and more family from across the pond required my attention this past Saturday.  Though time is a face on the water, time does move but one way on this level of the Tower, so I was forced to make the hard choice to provide two extra posts on this day in order to honor our khef.  Ya ken khef, I hope… ’tis the sharing of water (or in our case, nerdy ideas).

So, behold, my ka-tet of readers… two more posts shall follow this one, by watch and by warrant.

May your days be long upon the earth!

– Brandon, Proprietor and “would-be” Wordslinger

 

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 190 (or Mid-World telemarketing techniques)


You are contacted by a telemarketer, who is attempting to sell you a service you do not want or need.  When they refuse to take “No” for an answer, you decide it would be funny to speak to them in the parlance of a Mid-World resident from the Dark Tower book series.

You then say the following statement, which causes the telemarketer to become very confused and you then hang up: “By the Turtle, I said no thankee-sai! Life for your crop!”

Mission accomplished…

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 187 (or in the style of Arthur Eld…)


The following Dark Tower book series phrases are just a few among many, which are now part of your lexicon of conversational tools:

1) “Thankee-sai.”

2) “I cry your pardon.”

3) “I’d set my watch and warrant on it.”

4) “I wot.”

5) “Ka is like a wheel.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 184 (or fun with fictional locations)


On a recent trip, you chose to answer your friend’s question, “Where are you now?” with the following Dark Tower reference as a response:

“I think this must be the Barony of Mejis.  Maybe there is a saloon around here with a Watch Me game I can join.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 182 (or “All things serve the Beam…”)


In all the recent trips taken by those whom you know, you find it disappointing that no one is going to travel southeast because it has prevented you from making a Dark Tower reference by saying, “Oh, you’re following the path of the Path of the Beam.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 148 (or “Slacker” science)


You recently watched Richard Linklater’s 1991 film Slacker for the first time.  During an opening monologue given by Linklater himself, as he plays a person who is riding in a cab, you actually say aloud, “Wow… that must be what I sound like to most people!”

Why?  Well, you realize during the scene that you’ve talked about the very subject on which he speaks, including having made many of the same postulations, in previous conversations over the years.  You spend the rest of the film trying to decide if this is good or bad, but never seem to reach a definitive conclusion.
This is the exact scene in question:

In an alternate universe: Event 12


In an alternate universe,  the first person to purpose the idea of college students playing, “Muggle Quidditch” is immediately dismissed as being foolish when it is pointed out that quidditch was created to be played by wizards flying around on broomsticks in a work of fantasy.

After responding, “Ya know, you’ve got a point there,” that person forever abandons the idea, in favor of bringing to life the game of Parrises Squares, created for the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation.

In an alternate universe: Event 11


In an alternate universe, Santa Claus does not exist.  Instead, presents are delivered to children all over the world by Guraknok the Christmas Golem, who lives in a shack in Antarctica most of the year.

Guraknok uses a magic ring forged in elvish blood to teleport himself into homes on Christmas Eve. He does bring presents, but in order to receive them, the head of each household must correctly answer a series of riddles and then defeat him in single combat.  Those who fail must relinquish all of their Christmas presents to him and provide him with all of the meat products in their home or be stricken from Christmas participation for the following year.

In an alternate universe: Event 7


In an alternate universe, you did not find the movie trailer for the Footloose remake downright horrible, yet tragically funny because it was never made in the first place.  Instead, the money was used to produce a Broadway play of the Bill Murray/ Richard Dreyfuss comedy What About Bob?, which went on to become the highest-grossing show in Broadway history.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 90


You had a dream in which you are attacked by vampires, and at the last moment, Kirk and Michael Douglas, as themselves, show up and defeat the vampire enemy.  They then confide in you that their acting careers have been nothing more than cover to hide their true calling as vampire hunters.  You are then drafted by them to assist in their quest. 

However, about the time Rutger Hauer arrived in the dream, you realized that not only were you dreaming, but it was becoming rather absurd.  Thus, you force yourself to awaken.  Shortly thereafter, you find that you start laughing each time you attempt to reflect on the dream.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 89


Your first instinct when trying to offer condolescences to someone suffering a personal loss is to point out the following:

“If you stop to think about it, the person you miss is actually alive, well, and prospering by your side… it’s just occuring in an alternate universe.”

You decide against verbalizing that sentiment as few people have, historically, taken such a statement with the warm intent in which it would be offered.

 

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 88


You attempt to cheer someone up by quoting a line attributed to author, Philip K. Dick:

“If you find this world bad, you should see some of the others.”

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 87


Your oldest friend posts a message on a social media site concerning the prevention of their credit card’s fraudulent use in Ecuador by some unknown brigand, thanks to successful identity theft protection monitoring by their credit card company.  This message states how relieved they are, at this outcome.

Rather than simply reply with a short, trite comment saying some form of reassurance or congratulations on a potential crisis being averted, you decide to post a lengthy response in which you postulate a theory that the mysterious person who attempted to use their card, might actually be their future-self, who has traveled back in time to the present in order to save an Ecuadorian woman who is the future mother to a messianic offspring responsible for saving the human race.

You then accuse your friend of actually hindering the successful completion of their future-self’s mission by allowing the credit card company to intercede. Finally, you do offer them congratulations on being the possible father of the yet-to-be-conceived child, and then reassure them that they can alter the timeline to correct this error in judgment when their present-self later becomes the time traveler.  You conclude by mentioning the role of temporal paradoxes and multiverse theory in how this correction might be accomplished.

Having completely minimized the seriousness of your friend’s original message, and successfully injected unrequested humor into the situation, you submit your post.  You then wait for your friend’s amused and yet annoyed/ flabbergasted response.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 83


Because of your affinity for Stephen King’s Dark Tower series, you say, “Thankee sai,” on a regular basis, especially in flirtatious situations with members of the opposite sex.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 82


When asked to introduce yourself to the rest of your special collections course classmates on the first day of the new semester for your library science graduate degree, you proceed to try out untested stand-up comedy material that you’ve been working on, in anticipation of the mythical day when you get to perform at a real venue.

How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 81


The main reason you watch the Syfy original series Haven is to catch Stephen King multiverse Easter eggs (hidden references), secretly hoping for as many Dark Tower references as possible. You also think the shows’ chosen depiction of Pennywise the Dancing Clown in his brief appearance was rather lame and disappointing.

In an alternate universe: Event 6


In an alternate universe, politicians in the United States are elected through competition in a specialized academic decathlon, followed by a Medievil-style melee complete with swords.

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