Monthly Archives: September 2011
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 92
Not only does your idea of a “fun Thursday night” consist of pizza and streaming episodes of the 1970s horror/ science fiction television series Night Gallery on HULU, but the nearly uncontrollable laughter that you experienced upon watching the segment entitled “The Nature of the Enemy” in Season 1, Episode 3, actually wakes your sleeping dog. What could be so funny as to provoke such a response? Two words, folks: Moon mice.
That’s right… there is an actual segment in this series in which a near-future (as of the 1970s) mission to the moon that is originally supposed to build a “moon base” for NASA, ends up requiring a rescue team to try and find them, as they have gone missing shortly after a garbled transmission claims that they were “under attack”. The rescue team finds no signs that the original group of astronauts are still alive. The team transmits a video feed that shows the wreckage of one of the crafts from the previous mission, as well as a huge platform structure that the “attacked” astronauts apparently constructed from the moon base materials some time after their transmission, but just as the rescue team discovers this platform, they too seem to be attacked by something.
Just after a NASA engineer makes an off-hand comment that the structure resembles a giant mousetrap, the video transmission, which is still functioning, reveals “the enemy”… a gargantuan freaking mouse on the surface of the moon.
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 91
Your idea of turning to a “self-help” book is to read a Kurt Vonnegut novel, the validity of which is exemplified from the following line taken from his novel, Cat’s Cradle:
“Live by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.”
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 90
You had a dream in which you are attacked by vampires, and at the last moment, Kirk and Michael Douglas, as themselves, show up and defeat the vampire enemy. They then confide in you that their acting careers have been nothing more than cover to hide their true calling as vampire hunters. You are then drafted by them to assist in their quest.
However, about the time Rutger Hauer arrived in the dream, you realized that not only were you dreaming, but it was becoming rather absurd. Thus, you force yourself to awaken. Shortly thereafter, you find that you start laughing each time you attempt to reflect on the dream.
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 89
Your first instinct when trying to offer condolescences to someone suffering a personal loss is to point out the following:
“If you stop to think about it, the person you miss is actually alive, well, and prospering by your side… it’s just occuring in an alternate universe.”
You decide against verbalizing that sentiment as few people have, historically, taken such a statement with the warm intent in which it would be offered.
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 86
You just realized that even after all these years, you can recite the complete lyrics of the Captain Planet cartoon theme song.
How to tell you’re a nerd: Method 85
While doing work at home, you realize that you have been silently mouthing entire scenes of dialogue from Terminator 2: Judgment Day, which is playing on a television in the next room.
